I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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