you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
