Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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