At least make sure they are 18
Why
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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