There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
