That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize