Well apparently he's into motor boating.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
