I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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