I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
