He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
