just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
