he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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