sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize