Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
