There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
