my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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