brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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