Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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