There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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