Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
