My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
