Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
