This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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