Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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