Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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