he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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