Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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