WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize