i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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