I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
