I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
