I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
