Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
