I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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