Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
