Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
