I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
