i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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