Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
