New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
