Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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