if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
vagina is talking i cant
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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