WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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