i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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