Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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