Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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