I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
