Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
