Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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