And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
