you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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