so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need moral support for this bender
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
