Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
