This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
