just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Randomize
