My sheets look like a crime scene.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
