we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
