I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
