Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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