is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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