you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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