What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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