I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
