I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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