I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
