??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
