When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
