So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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