i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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