You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
