We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize