oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
