Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think I won the penis lottery.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
