tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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