i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize