drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
