Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
