Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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