this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
