Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Drake has all the answers
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
where are my eyebrows?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
