I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
