break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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