Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
