i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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