Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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