You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
